The Unwanted Visitor

I feel great! I feel my energy, my mood, my spirits almost, normal? This is great. My meds are working and I’m almost feeling as great as I used to before I was diagnosed. I wake up happy, I’m energetic. I find myself able to do the things I used to do. I’ve been making plans with friends and actually following through. It feels good to interact with people again. It feels good to laugh and have that laughter be genuine. The good days continue and I feel so amazing, I actually begin to believe that I have gotten past this time in my life. Then one day, I hear a tapping at my door. It’s a light tapping, but a familiar one. I know he’s there, but I don’t want to let him in. I ignore him. I go on about my days trying my best to act as if I don’t know he’s there. But he remains persistent. The tapping turns into a rapid knocking. I cannot ignore that he is there and he wants to come in. Still, I push the sound out of my head and try to focus on my good days. But the knocking, the knocking is distracting me. The knocking is annoying me! My good days are no longer good days, but have turned into days of trying to ignore what is standing right outside my door. I hope and pray that if I stay really still and don’t move he will give up and go away. If I turn off all the lights and don’t make any noise, maybe he will think I am no longer there and will go away. I am so desperate for him to leave that I actually begin to fall into reciting all of the idiotic things I have to hear from those around me who do not understand my visitor. I yell at him through the door, “I’m staying positive”, “I will be happy”, “It is my choice not to let you in”. But just like those statements fall on my deaf ears when they are said to me, there’s no difference here. Those statements hold no power, no influence; they do not stop him from pounding on my door, so eager to invade my space. Until one day, the pounding stops. Silence. Against my strongest defenses, he simply turned the handle and let himself in. He makes his way to me and wraps his arms around me. In defeat, I lay my head on his shoulder. As much as I fight to keep him out, once he’s in, he’s my familiar comfort. I no longer have to fight him, he seems to always win. I’m just hoping this visit won’t last as long as the last one did.

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Who Is He

He catches your attention, you gaze from afar, you notice him noticing you, and then, he approaches you. The conversation flows, the chemistry is intense, a mutual connection, so strong anyone could see. The conversation transitions into laughter, flirtatious touching, increased closeness, and before you realize, you are locked in an intimate kiss. His hands embrace your waist, pulling you closer, your hands wrapped around his head, gently guiding him to remain close. Who is this man who drew you to him without hesitation, and with the simplest gesture caused you to release all inhibition? Who is this person, who made you lose all sense of the world around you just by one kiss? Who is he?

And the journey begins….

Meditation My Bestie 

In this world full of chaos, the external chaos inevitably infiltrates our personal life, invading our subconscious to remain in a state of war. Consistently fighting, planning for future attacks and remaining on the defensive, we become a being that is always in the fight or flight mode. And although it may be assumed we are intricately planning our attacks and defenses, the reality is that we are usually responding with impetuous responses because someone or some specific event has gotten the best of our emotions at that exact moment. Our minds are cluttered with a combination of past experiences, current personal events and the questions of what our futures will hold. That’s where meditation comes in.

When you begin meditating it may seem as if it is doing absolutely nothing. You may question why you should take time out of your extremely busy day to involve yourself in a practice that will reveal no real results. When in fact, it may be the one practice we should all indulge in on a daily basis because it actually yields the most introspective, satisfying, significant results any single practice can divulge! Once you have implemented meditation into your day-to-day activities, the results will begin to reveal themselves when least expected. Overall you will have a calm, peaceful resonance. You won’t be so quick to act or respond, instead you will have the ability to pause, asses and put thought into every action and reaction. There will even be times when a specific stressful event is occurring and at that very moment if will become evident to you that there has been a shift internally; because you realize that in the past when faced with such a tumultuous event you would have already reacted. The difference now is that you are calm and focused, taking in all the necessary details that will in turn allow you to take action in the most responsible way, not creating any adverse reactions or consequences. When the stresses of life are hitting you, you will still have the overall sense of peace, calmness and focus that you may not have felt in the past.

For me, mediation has slowed my world down, allowing me to asses my life and myself from an outside perspective, in turn allowing me to choose to deal with situations, stresses and struggles in the best way possible. And that’s just the beginning! The inner personal growth and knowledge that is obtained through meditation is even more miraculous! But that’s for another post……

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